victims corner
This entire webisite and orgainzation is for the victims and for prevention. if you are a victim at this time, these next few pages may help you. i know i couldn't think clearly for months and i was in some bad places emotionally. i felt like i had a down comforter jammed between my ears. I was not good with details, i was sure that everything was my fault, and i thought i may have been going crazy.
Reading smart articles was too much for me, i needed simple things to get me through the day. I couldn't think into the future or i would panic and everything seemed much too big for me to handle.
that is why i have the medicine bag..(next page). they were things that helped me when i didn't think i could help myself. i got through the days one minute at a time and somehow was able to endure. if you are a survivor and know of some small miracle to add to the medicine bag, please send it in.
I have a small checklist of things that if you are a victim you should do right away. these are not hard things, and i am not going to attach a bunch of pdf's for you to deal with. A few simple steps until your down comforter in your brain begins to lessen to the size of a king size pillow.
you are not alone. you are going to be ok. it may take some time, and things my get much worse before they improve, but they will improve one minute at a time. hang on.
You know that your intimate partner has gotten into your computer and your phones. You don't know exactly how to explain this, but there is no doubt in your mind that this is taking place. At this point you need to contact domestic abuse professionals in your area. This is something that they understand and they will be able to start to help keep you safe. If you are not sure where to go, contact the NNEDV at nnedv.org, or the national domestic crisis hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
1. your first step is to contact your domestic violence center in your state.
2. Tell your best friend or closest family member. do not wait, involve one person immediately.
I would begin by only involving your most trusted friend in the begining. The technology makes some things that happen seem impossible, some people will not believe that this could happen to you.Bring this friend with you when you go to meet with the domestic abuse center and share with them as much information as you can. This friend may need to be your advocate and will validate your claims. Chose this person wisely, the two of you have a long journey ahead of you.
3. Be patient,and trust yourself.
Be patient! This takes a long time to rectify and it is not easy. You need to know that this will end, that you are not going crazy, and that you do not deserve what is happening to you.
Trust your instinicts. You may over react to a few things and become suspicious of all computers and and telephones for awhile. That is normal, you have been terrorized. It is not your fault and there isn't anything wrong with you. You are strong..hang in there.
I think that the reason any form of domestic abuse is so difficult to handle and recover from is that the person hurting you is the one that you relied on to keep you safe.
It is natural to minimize what is happening because deep inside you don't want it to be true,and a part of you still wants to believe the best in this person.
NOW THAT NEEDS TO STOP. IF THIS PERSON IS TRYING TO DO YOU HARM, DO NOT MINIMIZE THEIR ACTIONS TO PROTECT THEM. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO PROTECT YOURSELF.
4. do not underestimate the person doing this to you. brace yourself for the worst.
"You are not going out of your mind, Mrs. Manningham. You are slowly, methodically, systematically being driven out of your mind."
—Rough, Angel Street
5. TAKE BACK YOUR CONTROL....
THIS IS THE REASON YOU ARE IN THIS POSITION TO BEGIN WITH. SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU, AND THEY THINK THAT BY HURTING YOU THEY HAVE MORE CONTROL.
The Control and Power ride is one that never seems to stop and is so very hard to get off of. Yet, it is the engine that sparks domestic abuse and keeps it alive in our society.
You are in this position because someone feels the need to have control and power over you. It doesn't matter if it is a stranger stalking you or your husband from 20 years, they both want to control you.
TIME TO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!
There are many good articles and books about control and power relating to abuse that have great tools for helping a person regain their own power in their lives. If you are not up to reading and research, there is one easy way to start the process.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU RESPOND, REPLY, OR ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS PERSON WALKS THE EARTH. THEY ARE NOT HERE, YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM, AND YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO THEM.
This method works, but the perpetrator gets very angry in the begining so you must take every measure to remain safe.
“Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.” – Leo Buscagli
power and control
this is the webiste that saved me. honestly it did. it was one story and one person that made the difference of being here today or not.
www.http://hurtbylove.com
Here is an article about power and control and another great site i just found.
"If we do not step forward, then we step back. If we do not protect a right, then we deny it."
Paul Martin
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
“Hope is the thing with
feathers hat perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson
"My feet could feel the pulse of the earth beneath them, the cotton balls are finally out of my brain, and my hands feel strong on the wheel. i am ready to live again. LIsa boeck jenkins